Having recently started a Pit Stop off-shoot for older men, Positive Elders, the arrival of this guest blog by Rosie Buckey – a young freelance writer with a passion for mental health – was timely. In it, Rosie considers some of the challenges faced by older men and the impacts on their mental health.
In recent years, conversations about mental health have become more commonplace, but there’s still a long way to go. Older men in particular are one group which is less likely than others to seek help for poor mental health and the consequences of this can be devastating. It’s time to make a change and raise awareness.
Why might older men struggle with their mental health
A statistic that is hard to hear: one in five older people suffer from depression. Everyone’s circumstances are different but here are some of the most common reasons:
Loss of identity
A societal expectation which has been lingering for generations is that men are the providers and they should be passionate about their careers and what they do. This is one reason why many men invest heavily in their work identities. After they retire, they may struggle with the loss of their work identity, which can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety and purposelessness. Financial problems can also arise after retirement, which can create extra stress.
Age-related problems
Along with their work identity, issues associated with age, like ill-health and limited mobility, can also be tricky to navigate. This can cause not only anxiety and stress but also a loss of identity, and possibly impact self-esteem too. Some men see this impact on their mental wellbeing as a normal part of ageing and therefore don’t seek help.
Increased loneliness
Another part of ageing that older men often see as normal is loneliness. Getting older can cause isolation through factors such as losing close connections and living alone. Social interaction is vital for good health and wellbeing, and isolation can lead to mental health issues like anxiety, as well as an increased risk of physical health conditions. In 2023, the US Surgeon General called loneliness a public health problem on the scale of smoking – as damaging to physical health as 15 cigarettes per day.
Why aren’t men seeking help?
The pressure of societal norms
Traditional ideas of masculinity, like staying strong and not showing vulnerability, are deeply embedded in men, particularly those from older generations. Although societal norms have slowly shifted over time, many older men still believe what they were told growing up: “Boys don’t cry,” and “Man up!” were probably phrases they heard whenever they tried to show emotion or displayed vulnerability. Because of traditional societal pressures to be providers and protectors, they often carry with them the belief that emotions should be hidden and kept private. To the present day, older men may think that admitting to feeling anxious, depressed or lonely is a sign of weakness. Mental health wasn’t as widely spoken about when they were younger, so they may fear judgement from friends, relatives and healthcare professionals if they were to speak up.
Barriers to seeking help
Even if someone wants to seek help, practical barriers can still get in the way. A lack of transport, limited income and not knowing what mental health services are available can all make accessing mental health support more challenging. As well as this, technological barriers can often get in the way. Not being able to attend an online appointment may deter older people from seeking the help they need.
What can we do to make a change?
Normalise expressing feelings
By regularly asking how your older male friends are, you make yourself approachable and it shows they can trust you. You never know when someone might need to express their feelings, so letting them know they can come to you whenever they need to can make a huge difference. Asking open-ended questions like, “How have you been doing recently?” and “Is there anything you want to speak more about?” gives them the opportunity to open up and voice anything they need to. By validating their feelings and saying something like, “I’m sorry you’re going through that,” or “That must be difficult,” you can help them feel seen and heard. And, having told you, they might decide that seeking professional help would be useful. Let them know this is okay, and there’s absolutely no shame in doing so.
Sharing experiences
Older men can also make a large contribution through mentoring, sharing their experiences and talking about their own mental health challenges with the younger generation. This can create a space for bravery and open communication, letting younger men know how important it is to share their feelings when they need to. Through this process, older man can also feel a sense of accomplishment and a boost to their self-esteem. Delivering inspirational talks at schools and local groups, or starting a conversation at the local church, are good opportunities for this.
Train healthcare professionals
All doctors, nurses and care workers should be trained to spot and address signs of poor mental health in older men, particularly paying attention to symptoms that often get dismissed.
Mental health matters at every age
We need to start conversations to ensure older men don’t sit in silence and instead feel validated and able to express their emotions.
Find links to more of Rosie’s work on her Instagram page.
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