… they REALLY do!
Not so many years ago, during a very testing time for me personally, I was suddenly possessed by an overwhelming urge to end my own life. So dark was that moment I concluded that the world would be better off without me. I don’t know what possessed me to reach into my wallet at that moment, but I did and pulled out this little laminated message. I had been given this as a ‘random act of kindness’ by a mum at a parent/toddler group I had visited in a work capacity a few months previously. I recall blinking at the message trying to process it… did my dreams matter? It was enough to shock me into realising the gravity of what I had just been ‘sleep-walking’ towards…
A while later, I was walking in the rain crying not knowing what to do or where to go. Eventually I messaged a friend who told me to go home and tell me Loved ones how I was feeling and then get professional help. I did as he suggested and so began the long process of recovery. A few years later I began working for MensCraft, a charity that – among many other great things it does – works to support men experiencing suicidal thoughts who are at the edge of crisis (see MensCraft’s Contact team page for further details about this service).
As the Norwich Pit Stop Coordinator, my role is more focused on recovery from crisis or maintenance of wellbeing. Pit Stop brings men alongside each other through informal activities and conversation to build social connection, friendship and a sense of belonging. I’ve come to see that what we are really good at is providing a safe, non-judgemental space where men can take off the (metaphorical) armour and be authentic around one another. We are not alone and there is enormous power from our peers as we believe in and mutually support each other. It feels like, alongside each other, many of us are on a journey: destination acceptance, self-compassion and Love.
This kind of healing work is based on much thought, reflection and many seemingly small details. With regard to the latter, one example of this are MensCraft’s Positive Pants. Taking the cue from ‘Your Dreams Matter’ we encourage Pit Stop members to create their own personalised paper pants.
Here are a pair of my Positive Pants
As you can see, we encourage the fellas to identify some of the positive things about themselves and then to write three affirming statements on the pants. They can then fold them up and keep them to hand in case of one of those testing moments seizing them. The idea, then, is to pull out your pants and remind yourself about the person you really are.
My shitty ‘backside’
We have recently adopted a suggestion by Pit Stop member, Adam, to also reflect on some of our less helpful mindsets that we may have inhabited previously. The idea here is to reflect upon the progress we have made towards a Growth Mindset. Change starts here and now, with the small things.
Colin Howey
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