Who’s That? The Man in the Corner

At a recent Pit Stop Social in Norwich, I was speaking to one of our members, Stephen, about his social anxiety. He chose to explain his experience of this with a poem. With his permission, I will share this with you here:

Who’s That? The Man in the Corner

Here I am in this spacious room,

I see you there like a discarded broom.

You’re all alone standing against that wall,

While everyone else are having a ball.

You try to look happy to watch the world go by,

But that look on your face says you want to cry.

I stand and watch you for a little while, 

Waiting to see if I can catch a smile.

Someone tries to approach then they decide to dance,

You look as though you’re in a trance.

You don’t move or make a sound,

It seems as though your feet are stuck to the ground. 

Life stresses and anxieties seem to send you in a bind,

I start to wonder what’s going on in your mind.

I take a forward step to make a connection,

Then I realise it’s me, yes, my reflection.

Then my eyes well up with tears,

As I start to face my fears.

By Stephen E.

A big thanks to Stephen for sharing his experience so authentically. It is certainly a feeling that resonates with many of us. The thing is, when we are living these experiences it is very easy to feel alone. Culturally, it has often been hard for men to open up and share these inner feelings. This can often amplify a sense of alienation. We are left feeling alone. In our society it is very easy for us to compare our ‘insides’ (our interior world and feelings) with everyone else’s ‘outsides’ (our public faces/facades/’armour’). When we connect authentically, however, it can be very liberating and empowering.

We are complicated: we hurt, we make mistakes, we laugh, we cry, we take, we give. We are brave in some contexts, filled with fear in others. We may currently be struggling with our mental health, but we are not defined by it. Society often asks, ‘what do you do?’ And the stock response is given in terms of the role we are paid to do. However, we have so many other sources of identity – as fathers, sons, friends, brothers, partners – as Pit Stop members! I am constantly inspired by the example of members like Stephen who give of themselves and enrich those around them – often, without actually realising they are contributing in such a positive way. It is great to witness our Pit Stop activities bringing men alongside each other in this way. It fully justifies our definition of the project – namely:

‘The Pit Stop brings men together though informal activities and conversation to build social connection, friendship and a sense of belonging’

Colin Howey (Norwich Pit Stop Coordinator/MensCraft)