Younger Mike (on the left) and me
In the near future MensCraft will be producing a short film where, among other things, we will be asking our members to speak about the positive male role models in their lives. I have been reflecting about this and, although there are a number of contenders, I would choose to talk about one of my best friends, Mike.
I was sixteen when I met Mike. I had just left school and, having hidden behind my fists for most of my ‘childhood’, I knew instinctively that I couldn’t go on playing the ‘tough guy’ all my life. The first things that brought me and Mike together were a shared surreal sense of humour and a love of writing and wordplay. I also felt that I could tell Mike anything and that he would treat my ‘confessions’ with respect – and I was right about that.
He soon realised that I was a bit ‘broken’, my dad having died when I was eight; my second dad, Ken, died when I was eleven and I had a third dad, Tony, from the age of fourteen (by which time, I assumed he’d die soon too – he lived to be eighty!). Mike had also been ‘through the wringer’. He had endured many years of bullying at school and his parents were also going through a divorce that meant Mike’s siblings had left home to be with his mum. Although Mike adores his mum, he showed immense character and stayed with his dad (a difficult man!), because he knew he needed someone to be by his side at that point.
Looking back over our long friendship, I can see now that having this strong and gentle friend made an enormous positive difference to me. He showed me that there are lots of ways to be strong. In a quiet way, he has encouraged me to find my gentler sides, my quirky ‘corners’. He has told me straight when I’ve stepped out of line, but never judged or dismissed me. We share an enormous mutual respect. Like me, coming from a working-class background, he has built a life for himself that he could never have dreamed of (teaching in an Italian university; becoming an internationally respected author; being a wonderful son, father and husband). I am so proud of him!
When, a few years ago, I experienced a mental health crisis and contemplated taking my own life, it was Mike I reached out to. As I walked in the rain, crying, I messaged him and, instantly, he got back to me and calmly advised me to seek help, which I did. Subsequently, his patience, belief and support has helped me recover and heal. Thanks Mike!
Being Michael’s Mum i am continuously amazed and pleased that Colin has been through everything with colin. They understand each other so well .Colin is a wonderful man with so much love for his family. These two men have followed their hearts. My son is a gentle genius. So proud of both of them.
Thanks Pat! He’s a lovely lad and a credit to you
I have always been thankful that Michael have journeyed through life with you Colin. You have both have and continue to have a full meaningful life. Lots of love
Its very hard to find friends in life you can trust. wow this situation is so moving. me and colin had just met through Menscraft and i did have a instinct that colin liked to help people, and also had been through rough times in his life.
Well done colin this story has made you unique.
Thanks Michael!
What a beautiful tribute to an extraordinary man.
I often reflect on our lack of strong, emotionally-saavvy role models for my sons. My eldest (18) struggles to conceal his easily hurt feelings behind a swaggering, arrogant façade, even/especially among those who love him best and are least likely to intimidated by this ‘baby boss’…
When it comes right down to it, ALL boys need a Michael in their life: the more’s the pity that he is unique and inimitable! That said, I get the sense you’re a pretty remarkable man yourself, Colin – thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you Christy, both, for your kind words and, also, for your insightful observations
The best things in life are what money can’t buy. A wonderful story. Good friends are a gift and should be treated as such. I too have life long friends that I trust and who are family to me.
Thanks Mike
I lady I worked with one told me she could not allow herself to have friends. At best, she would allow people to be acquaintances. She said this was a result of her dad being in the services, and of having to move from one posting to the next, frequently. The result was a withdrawing into herself to minimise exposure the leaving friends behind. How very sad to deny yourself the opportunity to get close to people.
I can understand that response, but isolation is toxic. Thanks for sharing Peter